Perfect Will

An old friend passed away yesterday. Old friend as in aged friend, not as in long-timed friend. He was over 80 years old. He fought bravely against one of the greatest scourge of our lifetime -- cancer. Years ago, cancer ravaged his lungs, but he won the battle. Then cancer struck again, attacking his intestines. Yet again, he fought bravely and cheerfully, and won the battle. He was at death's door during Christmas 3 years ago, bedridden with no sign of consciousness, but he miraculously pulled through before the new year. His will to live was tremendously strong. And at the beginning of last year, he lived to celebrate his golden wedding anniversary with his beloved wife. At the end of last year, he sung and danced at our Christmas concert.

But cancer reared its ugly head again at the beginning of this year. After suffering greatly for the last 6 months, during which he could barely eat and was finally reduced to a skeletal state. His summons came and he finally answered, though not without putting up a final struggle.

His love for his wife was deep and touching. He stayed true to her since they exchanged vows in church 51 years ago. He was the model husband, and his wife, the envy of women. Unless on days when he was very ill, he always prepared breakfast for her, took care of lunch and dinner, obliged and indulged her, made sure she has everything to make her happy and comfortable, and was also her full-time chauffeur. He was a very good provider, and very shrewd in the stock market. All in all, a hugely successful and respected man.

Nearing his end, it was hard to see the way he clung to life, and the way the loving couple refused to let each other go. His wife kept trying to convince herself that he could pull yet another miraculous recovery, and he himself refused to let go, though he was suffering everyday. Could it be the reason he refused to look forward, to the kingdom that's waiting, was that instead of turning his eyes towards God, he kept his eyes on the person dearest to him? Could it also be that he did not have the assurance that God will take care of his wife, and through years of pampering, a deep fear that his wife could not carry on without him? He simply could not let go.

His reluctance to leave this life has set me thinking. Perhaps we place too much importance on ourselves. Perhaps we unconsciously turn our life partners and children into the idols we worship daily. Without purposely intending to, we cling to the temporary tenaciously and neglect the absolute. It is easy for all Christians to say that we place God above all. But do we fully succeed in doing that? Do we actually submit ourselves thoroughly to Him, or we only thought we did? Perhaps we did submit to Him, but only partially. We excel at pushing all our problems to God, praying in troubled times and trusting him to show us a solution. Yes, that is one of the 'perks' of being the child of God, and that is what we should do. But what about during good times? During the times when life is enjoyable and satisfying? Of course we do not forget to thank God for that, but our prayers tend to be shorter and less earnest. That is when we do not think about Him at all times, make our own decisions without testing and confirming, and allow our perspectives to wander elsewhere. Then when our lives hit another snag, it's back to praying and whining to God. This has become a predictable cycle.

And when the end is near, we are not fully prepared to move on. We pray fervently to God to give us or our loved ones more time. We forget that everything moves according to God's timetable, and stubbornly refuse to submit to His perfect will.