Gospel

Gospel...
Gives us respite
From the chaos of life
Heals our spirit and mind
And leaves turmoil behind.
Makes us whole
Cleanses the soul
By the assurance that
God loves us
His covenant
We firmly hold.
Rife and strife
Simply cannot thrive
Gospel...
Is the way of life.

On Being Whole

Accidents happen everyday. We only have to flip through the newspapers every morning to be confronted by news of accidents. And I do not simply mean accidents involving vehicles. We see machines cutting off the limbs of factory workers, we read about firecrackers exploding onto people during festive season, causing them to lose fingers or scarring them horribly. Healthy old ladies that got hit by buses while crossing the road. And it happens in split seconds. One moment you're fine, and the next moment.....catastrophe.

I remember an incident that happened some time ago at my apartment block, resulting in a woman losing 3 of her fingers in matter of seconds. Her fingers had rested on a door frame when a sudden and unexpected gust of strong wind blew the door shut. It slammed right onto her fingers, crushing all three at once. She was sent to the hospital, and the fingers were amputated. In a blink of an eye, she lost part of herself.

Through life, we have contributed our fair share of grumblings about backaches, sore shoulders, arthritis, and even gout. True, it's hard to be optimistic and laugh the pains and aches away when the affected part inflicts much misery on us. And in the midst of our sufferings, we frequently question God of the trials and tribulations he put us through. But we seldom stop to think that........we should at least thank God we still have the fingers for arthritis to attack, or that we still have feet and shoulders for us to sprain!

Perhaps now is a good time to start appreciating the various parts of our bodies which God helps us preserve and which we've long taken for granted. We could start by being more self-reliant, putting our limbs to good use. Walk the short distance to the kitchen for a glass of water instead of hollering for the hired help. Clean up after ourselves instead of waiting for others to do it in our stead. The goal of employing foreign maids is not to turn us into lazy lumps of couch potatoes.

And every night, if we climb into our warm beds as whole as we have been in the morning, pray and thank God that we've made it safely through another day.

My Shadow

God sometimes gives us big blessings in small forms. And one of the best things he has given me comes in the form of my shadow that's less than 2 feet tall. A little shadow that's seldom more than 3 steps apart from me, and one that gives me joy.

I'm grateful to God for His big blessings in an erstwhile forlorn, but now perpetually cheerful small form.

At the time
When shadows fall
I glance at mine
Expecting one
Straight and tall.
But in its stead
A furry lump
Short and plump
Enthusiastically walking
With a waggly rump.

Comparison

Why is my neighbour's bauble shinier than mine? Why are my neighbour's belongings better than mine? Such questions, such torments we put ourselves through.

This is not just a trait commonly found in humans. Animals put themselves through such pangs of agony as well. The cliche, the grass is greener on the other side, aptly applies to all and sundry. Take my two dogs for example. They are always after each other's snacks and toys, always believing that the other got the better share of things. And once they succeeded in snatching their rival's items, they are satisfied with the safe assumption that they now indeed possess the better share of things.

Is that not so with us? Somebody's car is always bigger. Somebody's wife / husband is always the model spouse. Our friend is slimmer / prettier. Our brother's house is more luxurious. Everybody is always richer than we are.

Hence the root of discontent. Is it so difficult to simply accept what God in His infinite wisdom has given us? Sure, our bauble may not be as shiny as our neighbour's baubles, but what we desire is not always what is best for us. We hanker after cars that are bigger, bank accounts that are fatter, branded goods and physical beauty. In chasing after the superficial, we lose our spiritual sense of direction. With idols of pleasures before us, we sink deeper into mire. We breed pride, envy, greed and gluttony, which leads to anger when our desires are not satiated. The lust for material goods leads to the sloth in our spiritual life. The seven deadly sins thus commited.

Comparison. Indeed a revolting word.

Blooms

The bloom of yesterday

Lustreless

Wilted with decay.

Along with worldly dreams

Frittered away.

Pangs of remorse

Drifting astray

To be forgotten

In the cache

Of yesterday.

The bloom of today

Majestic

Proudly on display.

The Now we will treasure

To pursue the Word

Not to be postponed

Nor to be delayed.

For assurance we pray

Not awaiting tomorrow

But today.

The bloom of tomorrow

Unsullied

Still waiting to grow.

The fruits that we cultivate

The seeds we have sown.

The shining crown

Alluringly aglow

The Kingdom that awaits

Beckons and summons

In tomorrow.

Music

For some reason, I'm more eloquent when talking in music than in words. Being a very private person, and not particularly gifted in eloquence, at times I find it difficult trying to expound my innermost feelings. Via talking, that is. Which leads me to another problem. It takes two to tango, and to confide into someone means you actually require the presence of another person. Not just any person though, as you have to take into consideration one who has a sympathetic ear, a big heart and a mouth that is not commonly known as a motor-mouth.

Not an easy find. Hence music enters into the picture.

Music comes from the depth of the soul. It is transparent. Like a picture, we could shade it in any colour, match it according to our moods. Be it gloomy and black as an approaching storm, pale blue and green that depicts calmness and contentment, a delicate shell-pink for a happy light-hearted frolic, roaring and rolling like the white-tipped waves of the ocean with the freedom of gulls soaring in the sky, or orangy red in a moment of ardour. The sensitivity of the soul poured out in beautiful hues, a canvas of crystallised notes that lay bare the innermost secrets and untold longings. The private story of a person unwittingly betrayed by music.

Unconsciously we unburden ourselves, lending flights to our feelings and fancies. In the language of arpeggios and glissandos. Swaying lightly in tempo rubato, the sacred hymns transformed to golden prayers. Unspoken prayers straight from the heart, sincere and untainted, conveyed to God in a burst of radiant harmony.

Music enables me to feel very close to God, in good times and in bad. It helps cleansing tears to flow, and I return from each sacred melodious journey feeling stronger and refreshed. It's a therapy that liberates and lightens the spirit, and also serves to release the bonds that shackle the soul.

Music heals.

Postscript: But not when one has to hear one's piano / vocal students butchering and murdering the sacred code of music!!! That is either a hair-raising experience, or a sleep-inducing one! Then the only thought that comes to one's mind is : God help me!!

Fool

Seeds of doubt are without fail, sown whenever I'm feeling down, or when I'm sick. It usually comes from a well-meaning third party with worldly views. They have my best interest at heart, and simply cannot understand why I do some of the things I do. Some tried their best to discourage me, some pointed out dreary possibilities with pessimistic outcomes. Some simply told me straight to my face how run-down and tired I've become, and whether I want to continue in this way for the rest of my life. They asked me whether it's worth my while.

In the eyes of the world, I'm a foolish person. They used to admire me a couple of years ago, for pocessing money, status, career, independence, a nice home and a carefree single life. They think that I'm gambling my freedom, and perhaps my heart, away without a backward glance. They assume that I'd be happier as I was than as I am.

How do I tell them that I don't thrive on admiration? That these things are no longer important to me? Money comes and goes, makes life a lot more comfortable if you've got it but won't matter much if you have less. Status is but a figment of a person's vanity. Career, whether it's floating or floundering, is a glamorised way of saying I need to work. I am still independent, regardless of what they assumed I've become. Independent of humans but dependant on God.

My life is changing for the better. I may be busier, more tired and run down. I may fall sick more often and I'm no longer a sweet sixteen. But as I mature in faith, I willingly embrace these changes. I accept whatever situation God puts me in, and put my faith in Him. So what if my bank account is in the red? He won't let me starve. So what if the major decisions in my life look mad in the eyes of my friends? He won't approve of it if it's bad for me. As for my carefree life, who says that just because I'm buried with work, I'm no longer carefree? Being carefree is a state of the spirit, as long as my spirit thrives and nourishes, there is no reason why I am not carefree.

But I can't explain these to them. They'd think I've gone completely out of my mind, if they don't already think that! So I just keep my peace, and let them assume what they probably think I am right now.......

........that I'm the biggest fool around.

God Moves Everything

Time really flies. It has been 2 months since my last entry. I have been really busy, and so many things have happened within 2 short months. To cut a long story short, I was a 'guest star' hawker for 2 months, helping Mr. Caveman. This experience has really given me a deeper understanding of his work, thus enabling me to understand him better, and gave me a higher tolerance level for his occasional moodiness. Through this stint, we have not only become closer, but I actually get to know his mother better as well. There is also a death in my extended family which I have to deal with, as well as coping with my own stress and frustrations. To help me relax and exercise, Mr. Caveman has taken me hiking a couple of times this month. And to top it all, I gave my first ever testimony in church last month. Before I realise it, 2 months zipped by without a single blog entry.

But I digress. My entry today is to share the way God moves things.

4 months ago, I planned for my choir group to have a year end concert. But we sorely lack the funds to hold a proper concert. My choir group consists of very rich ladies, but unfortunately our choir funds were very low. There was only RM400 to start with, and to hold a concert, we'll have to rent an auditorium, rent the sound system, and rent a piano to begin with. The sum we have is only enough to cover the piano rental! So I prayed. I asked God to make this concert possible for us, then I left it in His very capable hands.

Fast forward to 4 months later, God has gotten us a beach hotel to sponsor our concert, and we'll be holding it in their ballroom, complete with sound system, seating arrangements, as well as refreshments for the audience. All for free! I have roped in a UK-trained fashion designer friend to design my choir's outfit, and he didn't charge us a single cent. A student of mine has agreed to be my second pianist for free, and another volunteered to be our photographer. And best of all, Brother Dominic, our church's resident professional guitarist, has agreed to play for the concert as well. As for the piano, 2 of my choir members decided to bear the rental cost. We also save the cost of designing the invitation and the concert programme, as I did it myself.

And the RM400 is still sitting snugly in our choir cash box, untouched so far!

God is moving everything smoothly towards the concert. With every move, this concert has been tested and confirmed that it has God's blessings. 24 days to go. I'll do my best to play my role and make this concert a success. The rest I'll leave in God's capable hands.

Grace

For these past 9 months, I've been learning to see God in all situations. It's not an easy process, more like forcing my mind to reformat. But it gets easier once I start to get used to it. And as time goes by, I'm also beginning to be aware of something else as well. Something that has eluded me in the past.

I'm beginning to see God's grace in everyday matters.

I gradually realise that :
Grace is not only found in the big, momentous occasions.
Grace is not only found in our possessions, creature comforts and luxuries.
Grace is not only found in the favours done for us.
Grace is not about having lots of money in several fat bank accounts.

I am not a rich person, and will probably never even come close to making my first million, or rather, a quarter of a million! But by God's grace, I have a roof over my head, a job to generate my income and health to enjoy my simple life.

-- By grace, I can sit on the sofa watching TV and eating a bag of chips.
-- By grace, I get a good night's sleep and not suffer from insomnia.
-- By grace, I have the ability to see, to hear, to talk, and to move my limbs.
-- By grace, I have 3 meals a day, and do not go hungry.
-- By grace, I have freedom. I live in a peaceful country where bombs do not drop on my head. A place without earthquakes ( though there's the occasional tremor ) or volcanoes. A country without famine.

It is also by God's grace that we have people we trust around us, to lend us a helping hand and to pull us up when we fall flat on our faces. People we can talk to in time of trouble, and whom we can turn to in time of need. Through grace, I have somebody to love, and to be loved in return. A shoulder to lean on, a sympathetic ear. I have relatives who genuinely care for me and support me, brethrens who straighten and strengthen my perspectives, and to help me unravel my problems ( vice versa as well ), as well as friends to cheer me up when I'm down in the dumps.

Grace is when something bad happens, or is about to happen in our lives, and we suddenly see in the situation that God is with us. We are not on our own and do not have to grapple with our troubles on our limited strength. We see our worries and fears dissolve. We realise that with God behind us, nothing is beyond hope, and nothing is bleak. It is grace when we see the challenge in problems we face as a training and rise up to the occasion, instead of wallowing in self-pity and getting depressed.

By God's grace, we hear the chirping of birds every morning. We see leaves swaying in the breeze and admire the colourful flowers. We see beautiful designs on the ever-shifting clouds and enjoy communing with the nature God provides for us. My heart lifts whenever my dogs come running to me with wagging tails and lolling tongues. I unconsciously smile when they snore in their sleep, happy and contented.

To put in simply, God's grace is in the things we experience everyday. All we have to do is to look at it, be thankful for it, and not take things for granted, for it is by His grace that we bask in His unconditional love.

Psychological Healing

Back in March / April, I was undergoing a period of spiritual healing. I recalled that mind could not function properly. It was then when I made a big mistake choosing a piano exam song for one of my lower-graded students. Each student sitting for the practical test has to play 3 songs, and the songs are listed as such: a choice of 3 songs for the 1st piece, known as list A, 3 songs for the 2nd piece known as list B and 3 songs for the 3rd piece, known as list C. We are to choose a song from each list. When I chose the 3rd song for this kid, I made a big error and taught her 2 songs from list B instead. I didn't realise my mistake until about 4 months later.....3 days before her exam was scheduled!

Panic and pandemonium! 2 words to describe the situation. I phoned her mum asking her to come back to my place as there's an exam emergency. She heard the word emergency but did not catch the word exam. Her husband thought his daughter was bitten by my dog and drove to my place like Michael Schumacher. The girl herself was crying in my studio and I was pacing around in circles. Mr. Caveman tried to calm me down but to no avail. I've no doubt he very thankfully escaped to prayer meeting that day!

To cut a long story short, the girl adamantly insisted on sitting for the exam, so I had to teach her a new song in 3 days ( an almost impossible feat, bearing in mind that the normally lazy gal usually takes about 2 months to perfect a song ). A lot of stress and prayers later, she sat for the exam. When I received the exam results yesterday, to my great relief, she miraculously passed.

I have learned a lesson from this episode. Mr. Caveman pointed out to me that God allowed this to happen, to show that He is with me always. I can always rely on Him, and do not have to strive with my own limited strength and resources. All there is for me to do is to let go and put everything in His hands, and He'll carry all my burdens for me. From this incident, I will be able to testify how God works, and to glorify Him. And also from the stress, worry and inner turmoil I've undergone, together with other problems I'm facing now, another stage of healing has begun.

And now, from spiritual healing to psychological healing.........