I have been at the receiving end of her anger and sarcasm these past few years.
Before Mister Caveman came into my life, we have been close. Whenever she needed a helping hand, which was, and still is, very often ( though she's a self-professed independent singleton, she doesn't drive, can't handle a crisis and emotionally fragile ), my phone number was her 911. A band of us women ( married and otherwise ) rallied around her when she had a housing crisis in 2008. We also rallied around her when she was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009, which happily, she has recovered since. Despite criticising her friends' husbands as useless / jerks etc, the husbands were also there to lend a helping hand. She started to aim her barbs at me when I started a relationship with Mister Caveman. Even now, after a few years and after my marriage, the barbs and stings continue to come.
She started the barbs a few years ago with 'loaded' jokes, started circulating some gossip among mutual friends, tried to make me feel guilty for not being able to pander to her needs as often as she likes. She was offended that I didn't confide in her regarding my relationship ( but seeing how she made my other friends the butt of her gossip, would I dare to confide in her? ). The barbs and sarcasm came every now and then, even now. It got to the point that she told me sarcastically that I 'serve' my husband with such 'filial piety' last week. For that instant, I almost boiled over like boiling water.
Is it anger? Is it discontent? Is it jealousy? Is it the no-longer-so-frequent-use of her free taxi and driver ( aka my car and me ) that gives her cause to try to hurt me or to make me feel guilty for giving up my membership of the Sisterhood of Singletons?
There were times when throwing back darts of sarcasm with her face as my target was tantalising! Hurling back barbs that could hurt her also seems very tempting! But the Holy Spirit always stops me at the last moment. If I play tit for tat, not only it will make the situation worse, what can I gain by hurting her, except a moment's satisfaction, which will definitely be followed by guilt?
- Anger can lead us into saying things we do not mean, doing things we would not have done. And what we've said and done in anger could do irreparable harm.
- Anger is a tool that is used by the forces of darkness to destroy relationships, to cause unrest and spiritual turmoil.
- Anger camouflaged as jokes and sarcasm leads to bitterness of the spirit, or probably in this case, anger camouflaged as jokes and sarcasm is the result of bitterness of the spirit.
- Anger is an emotional trap that is easy to fall into.
- Anger is also an escape for those with emotional problems.
- Anger masks hurts, discontent, bitterness, jealousy, insecurity, fear and all other negative emotions which a person wants to hide from.
- Anger distorts reality, and closes the heart to the blessings God provide in abundance.
(Eph4: 26-27) In your anger, do not sin........Do not give Devil a foothold.
So in the end, I did nothing. I do not need to sink to her level to get back at her. Why should I get back at her anyway? It will only cause me more hurt and anger if I give in to my initial anger. In an afterthought, these barbs hurt her more than me, as she keeps spewing them out like venom. If we hold on to the very simple truth, that God is with us, and we are loved, words like these won't have the power to hurt us. If we don't give these words the power to enter our spirit and poison us, it will only remain words. Merely words.
And words don't hurt, unless you allow it to. But that doesn't mean we can't keep so-called friends like these at arm's length!
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