An old friend passed away yesterday. Old friend as in aged friend, not as in long-timed friend. He was over 80 years old. He fought bravely against one of the greatest scourge of our lifetime -- cancer. Years ago, cancer ravaged his lungs, but he won the battle. Then cancer struck again, attacking his intestines. Yet again, he fought bravely and cheerfully, and won the battle. He was at death's door during Christmas 3 years ago, bedridden with no sign of consciousness, but he miraculously pulled through before the new year. His will to live was tremendously strong. And at the beginning of last year, he lived to celebrate his golden wedding anniversary with his beloved wife. At the end of last year, he sung and danced at our Christmas concert.
But cancer reared its ugly head again at the beginning of this year. After suffering greatly for the last 6 months, during which he could barely eat and was finally reduced to a skeletal state. His summons came and he finally answered, though not without putting up a final struggle.
His love for his wife was deep and touching. He stayed true to her since they exchanged vows in church 51 years ago. He was the model husband, and his wife, the envy of women. Unless on days when he was very ill, he always prepared breakfast for her, took care of lunch and dinner, obliged and indulged her, made sure she has everything to make her happy and comfortable, and was also her full-time chauffeur. He was a very good provider, and very shrewd in the stock market. All in all, a hugely successful and respected man.
Nearing his end, it was hard to see the way he clung to life, and the way the loving couple refused to let each other go. His wife kept trying to convince herself that he could pull yet another miraculous recovery, and he himself refused to let go, though he was suffering everyday. Could it be the reason he refused to look forward, to the kingdom that's waiting, was that instead of turning his eyes towards God, he kept his eyes on the person dearest to him? Could it also be that he did not have the assurance that God will take care of his wife, and through years of pampering, a deep fear that his wife could not carry on without him? He simply could not let go.
His reluctance to leave this life has set me thinking. Perhaps we place too much importance on ourselves. Perhaps we unconsciously turn our life partners and children into the idols we worship daily. Without purposely intending to, we cling to the temporary tenaciously and neglect the absolute. It is easy for all Christians to say that we place God above all. But do we fully succeed in doing that? Do we actually submit ourselves thoroughly to Him, or we only thought we did? Perhaps we did submit to Him, but only partially. We excel at pushing all our problems to God, praying in troubled times and trusting him to show us a solution. Yes, that is one of the 'perks' of being the child of God, and that is what we should do. But what about during good times? During the times when life is enjoyable and satisfying? Of course we do not forget to thank God for that, but our prayers tend to be shorter and less earnest. That is when we do not think about Him at all times, make our own decisions without testing and confirming, and allow our perspectives to wander elsewhere. Then when our lives hit another snag, it's back to praying and whining to God. This has become a predictable cycle.
And when the end is near, we are not fully prepared to move on. We pray fervently to God to give us or our loved ones more time. We forget that everything moves according to God's timetable, and stubbornly refuse to submit to His perfect will.
Rainbow as Sign
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Gospel
Gospel...
Gives us respite
From the chaos of life
Heals our spirit and mind
And leaves turmoil behind.
Makes us whole
Cleanses the soul
By the assurance that
God loves us
His covenant
We firmly hold.
Rife and strife
Simply cannot thrive
Gospel...
Is the way of life.
Gives us respite
From the chaos of life
Heals our spirit and mind
And leaves turmoil behind.
Makes us whole
Cleanses the soul
By the assurance that
God loves us
His covenant
We firmly hold.
Rife and strife
Simply cannot thrive
Gospel...
Is the way of life.
Friday, September 16, 2011
On Being Whole
Accidents happen everyday. We only have to flip through the newspapers every morning to be confronted by news of accidents. And I do not simply mean accidents involving vehicles. We see machines cutting off the limbs of factory workers, we read about firecrackers exploding onto people during festive season, causing them to lose fingers or scarring them horribly. Healthy old ladies that got hit by buses while crossing the road. And it happens in split seconds. One moment you're fine, and the next moment.....catastrophe.
I remember an incident that happened some time ago at my apartment block, resulting in a woman losing 3 of her fingers in matter of seconds. Her fingers had rested on a door frame when a sudden and unexpected gust of strong wind blew the door shut. It slammed right onto her fingers, crushing all three at once. She was sent to the hospital, and the fingers were amputated. In a blink of an eye, she lost part of herself.
Through life, we have contributed our fair share of grumblings about backaches, sore shoulders, arthritis, and even gout. True, it's hard to be optimistic and laugh the pains and aches away when the affected part inflicts much misery on us. And in the midst of our sufferings, we frequently question God of the trials and tribulations he put us through. But we seldom stop to think that........we should at least thank God we still have the fingers for arthritis to attack, or that we still have feet and shoulders for us to sprain!
Perhaps now is a good time to start appreciating the various parts of our bodies which God helps us preserve and which we've long taken for granted. We could start by being more self-reliant, putting our limbs to good use. Walk the short distance to the kitchen for a glass of water instead of hollering for the hired help. Clean up after ourselves instead of waiting for others to do it in our stead. The goal of employing foreign maids is not to turn us into lazy lumps of couch potatoes.
And every night, if we climb into our warm beds as whole as we have been in the morning, pray and thank God that we've made it safely through another day.
I remember an incident that happened some time ago at my apartment block, resulting in a woman losing 3 of her fingers in matter of seconds. Her fingers had rested on a door frame when a sudden and unexpected gust of strong wind blew the door shut. It slammed right onto her fingers, crushing all three at once. She was sent to the hospital, and the fingers were amputated. In a blink of an eye, she lost part of herself.
Through life, we have contributed our fair share of grumblings about backaches, sore shoulders, arthritis, and even gout. True, it's hard to be optimistic and laugh the pains and aches away when the affected part inflicts much misery on us. And in the midst of our sufferings, we frequently question God of the trials and tribulations he put us through. But we seldom stop to think that........we should at least thank God we still have the fingers for arthritis to attack, or that we still have feet and shoulders for us to sprain!
Perhaps now is a good time to start appreciating the various parts of our bodies which God helps us preserve and which we've long taken for granted. We could start by being more self-reliant, putting our limbs to good use. Walk the short distance to the kitchen for a glass of water instead of hollering for the hired help. Clean up after ourselves instead of waiting for others to do it in our stead. The goal of employing foreign maids is not to turn us into lazy lumps of couch potatoes.
And every night, if we climb into our warm beds as whole as we have been in the morning, pray and thank God that we've made it safely through another day.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
My Shadow
God sometimes gives us big blessings in small forms. And one of the best things he has given me comes in the form of my shadow that's less than 2 feet tall. A little shadow that's seldom more than 3 steps apart from me, and one that gives me joy.
I'm grateful to God for His big blessings in an erstwhile forlorn, but now perpetually cheerful small form.
At the time
When shadows fall
I glance at mine
Expecting one
Straight and tall.
But in its stead
A furry lump
Short and plump
Enthusiastically walking
With a waggly rump.
I'm grateful to God for His big blessings in an erstwhile forlorn, but now perpetually cheerful small form.
At the time
When shadows fall
I glance at mine
Expecting one
Straight and tall.
But in its stead
A furry lump
Short and plump
Enthusiastically walking
With a waggly rump.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Comparison
Why is my neighbour's bauble shinier than mine? Why are my neighbour's belongings better than mine? Such questions, such torments we put ourselves through.
This is not just a trait commonly found in humans. Animals put themselves through such pangs of agony as well. The cliche, the grass is greener on the other side, aptly applies to all and sundry. Take my two dogs for example. They are always after each other's snacks and toys, always believing that the other got the better share of things. And once they succeeded in snatching their rival's items, they are satisfied with the safe assumption that they now indeed possess the better share of things.
Is that not so with us? Somebody's car is always bigger. Somebody's wife / husband is always the model spouse. Our friend is slimmer / prettier. Our brother's house is more luxurious. Everybody is always richer than we are.
Hence the root of discontent. Is it so difficult to simply accept what God in His infinite wisdom has given us? Sure, our bauble may not be as shiny as our neighbour's baubles, but what we desire is not always what is best for us. We hanker after cars that are bigger, bank accounts that are fatter, branded goods and physical beauty. In chasing after the superficial, we lose our spiritual sense of direction. With idols of pleasures before us, we sink deeper into mire. We breed pride, envy, greed and gluttony, which leads to anger when our desires are not satiated. The lust for material goods leads to the sloth in our spiritual life. The seven deadly sins thus commited.
Comparison. Indeed a revolting word.
This is not just a trait commonly found in humans. Animals put themselves through such pangs of agony as well. The cliche, the grass is greener on the other side, aptly applies to all and sundry. Take my two dogs for example. They are always after each other's snacks and toys, always believing that the other got the better share of things. And once they succeeded in snatching their rival's items, they are satisfied with the safe assumption that they now indeed possess the better share of things.
Is that not so with us? Somebody's car is always bigger. Somebody's wife / husband is always the model spouse. Our friend is slimmer / prettier. Our brother's house is more luxurious. Everybody is always richer than we are.
Hence the root of discontent. Is it so difficult to simply accept what God in His infinite wisdom has given us? Sure, our bauble may not be as shiny as our neighbour's baubles, but what we desire is not always what is best for us. We hanker after cars that are bigger, bank accounts that are fatter, branded goods and physical beauty. In chasing after the superficial, we lose our spiritual sense of direction. With idols of pleasures before us, we sink deeper into mire. We breed pride, envy, greed and gluttony, which leads to anger when our desires are not satiated. The lust for material goods leads to the sloth in our spiritual life. The seven deadly sins thus commited.
Comparison. Indeed a revolting word.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Blooms
The bloom of yesterday
Lustreless
Wilted with decay.
Along with worldly dreams
Frittered away.
Pangs of remorse
Drifting astray
To be forgotten
In the cache
Of yesterday.
The bloom of today
Majestic
Proudly on display.
The Now we will treasure
To pursue the Word
Not to be postponed
Nor to be delayed.
For assurance we pray
Not awaiting tomorrow
But today.
The bloom of tomorrow
Unsullied
Still waiting to grow.
The fruits that we cultivate
The seeds we have sown.
The shining crown
Alluringly aglow
The Kingdom that awaits
Beckons and summons
In tomorrow.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Music
For some reason, I'm more eloquent when talking in music than in words. Being a very private person, and not particularly gifted in eloquence, at times I find it difficult trying to expound my innermost feelings. Via talking, that is. Which leads me to another problem. It takes two to tango, and to confide into someone means you actually require the presence of another person. Not just any person though, as you have to take into consideration one who has a sympathetic ear, a big heart and a mouth that is not commonly known as a motor-mouth.
Not an easy find. Hence music enters into the picture.
Music comes from the depth of the soul. It is transparent. Like a picture, we could shade it in any colour, match it according to our moods. Be it gloomy and black as an approaching storm, pale blue and green that depicts calmness and contentment, a delicate shell-pink for a happy light-hearted frolic, roaring and rolling like the white-tipped waves of the ocean with the freedom of gulls soaring in the sky, or orangy red in a moment of ardour. The sensitivity of the soul poured out in beautiful hues, a canvas of crystallised notes that lay bare the innermost secrets and untold longings. The private story of a person unwittingly betrayed by music.
Unconsciously we unburden ourselves, lending flights to our feelings and fancies. In the language of arpeggios and glissandos. Swaying lightly in tempo rubato, the sacred hymns transformed to golden prayers. Unspoken prayers straight from the heart, sincere and untainted, conveyed to God in a burst of radiant harmony.
Music enables me to feel very close to God, in good times and in bad. It helps cleansing tears to flow, and I return from each sacred melodious journey feeling stronger and refreshed. It's a therapy that liberates and lightens the spirit, and also serves to release the bonds that shackle the soul.
Music heals.
Postscript: But not when one has to hear one's piano / vocal students butchering and murdering the sacred code of music!!! That is either a hair-raising experience, or a sleep-inducing one! Then the only thought that comes to one's mind is : God help me!!
Not an easy find. Hence music enters into the picture.
Music comes from the depth of the soul. It is transparent. Like a picture, we could shade it in any colour, match it according to our moods. Be it gloomy and black as an approaching storm, pale blue and green that depicts calmness and contentment, a delicate shell-pink for a happy light-hearted frolic, roaring and rolling like the white-tipped waves of the ocean with the freedom of gulls soaring in the sky, or orangy red in a moment of ardour. The sensitivity of the soul poured out in beautiful hues, a canvas of crystallised notes that lay bare the innermost secrets and untold longings. The private story of a person unwittingly betrayed by music.
Unconsciously we unburden ourselves, lending flights to our feelings and fancies. In the language of arpeggios and glissandos. Swaying lightly in tempo rubato, the sacred hymns transformed to golden prayers. Unspoken prayers straight from the heart, sincere and untainted, conveyed to God in a burst of radiant harmony.
Music enables me to feel very close to God, in good times and in bad. It helps cleansing tears to flow, and I return from each sacred melodious journey feeling stronger and refreshed. It's a therapy that liberates and lightens the spirit, and also serves to release the bonds that shackle the soul.
Music heals.
Postscript: But not when one has to hear one's piano / vocal students butchering and murdering the sacred code of music!!! That is either a hair-raising experience, or a sleep-inducing one! Then the only thought that comes to one's mind is : God help me!!
Friday, September 2, 2011
Fool
Seeds of doubt are without fail, sown whenever I'm feeling down, or when I'm sick. It usually comes from a well-meaning third party with worldly views. They have my best interest at heart, and simply cannot understand why I do some of the things I do. Some tried their best to discourage me, some pointed out dreary possibilities with pessimistic outcomes. Some simply told me straight to my face how run-down and tired I've become, and whether I want to continue in this way for the rest of my life. They asked me whether it's worth my while.
In the eyes of the world, I'm a foolish person. They used to admire me a couple of years ago, for pocessing money, status, career, independence, a nice home and a carefree single life. They think that I'm gambling my freedom, and perhaps my heart, away without a backward glance. They assume that I'd be happier as I was than as I am.
How do I tell them that I don't thrive on admiration? That these things are no longer important to me? Money comes and goes, makes life a lot more comfortable if you've got it but won't matter much if you have less. Status is but a figment of a person's vanity. Career, whether it's floating or floundering, is a glamorised way of saying I need to work. I am still independent, regardless of what they assumed I've become. Independent of humans but dependant on God.
My life is changing for the better. I may be busier, more tired and run down. I may fall sick more often and I'm no longer a sweet sixteen. But as I mature in faith, I willingly embrace these changes. I accept whatever situation God puts me in, and put my faith in Him. So what if my bank account is in the red? He won't let me starve. So what if the major decisions in my life look mad in the eyes of my friends? He won't approve of it if it's bad for me. As for my carefree life, who says that just because I'm buried with work, I'm no longer carefree? Being carefree is a state of the spirit, as long as my spirit thrives and nourishes, there is no reason why I am not carefree.
But I can't explain these to them. They'd think I've gone completely out of my mind, if they don't already think that! So I just keep my peace, and let them assume what they probably think I am right now.......
........that I'm the biggest fool around.
In the eyes of the world, I'm a foolish person. They used to admire me a couple of years ago, for pocessing money, status, career, independence, a nice home and a carefree single life. They think that I'm gambling my freedom, and perhaps my heart, away without a backward glance. They assume that I'd be happier as I was than as I am.
How do I tell them that I don't thrive on admiration? That these things are no longer important to me? Money comes and goes, makes life a lot more comfortable if you've got it but won't matter much if you have less. Status is but a figment of a person's vanity. Career, whether it's floating or floundering, is a glamorised way of saying I need to work. I am still independent, regardless of what they assumed I've become. Independent of humans but dependant on God.
My life is changing for the better. I may be busier, more tired and run down. I may fall sick more often and I'm no longer a sweet sixteen. But as I mature in faith, I willingly embrace these changes. I accept whatever situation God puts me in, and put my faith in Him. So what if my bank account is in the red? He won't let me starve. So what if the major decisions in my life look mad in the eyes of my friends? He won't approve of it if it's bad for me. As for my carefree life, who says that just because I'm buried with work, I'm no longer carefree? Being carefree is a state of the spirit, as long as my spirit thrives and nourishes, there is no reason why I am not carefree.
But I can't explain these to them. They'd think I've gone completely out of my mind, if they don't already think that! So I just keep my peace, and let them assume what they probably think I am right now.......
........that I'm the biggest fool around.
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