God Moves Everything

Time really flies. It has been 2 months since my last entry. I have been really busy, and so many things have happened within 2 short months. To cut a long story short, I was a 'guest star' hawker for 2 months, helping Mr. Caveman. This experience has really given me a deeper understanding of his work, thus enabling me to understand him better, and gave me a higher tolerance level for his occasional moodiness. Through this stint, we have not only become closer, but I actually get to know his mother better as well. There is also a death in my extended family which I have to deal with, as well as coping with my own stress and frustrations. To help me relax and exercise, Mr. Caveman has taken me hiking a couple of times this month. And to top it all, I gave my first ever testimony in church last month. Before I realise it, 2 months zipped by without a single blog entry.

But I digress. My entry today is to share the way God moves things.

4 months ago, I planned for my choir group to have a year end concert. But we sorely lack the funds to hold a proper concert. My choir group consists of very rich ladies, but unfortunately our choir funds were very low. There was only RM400 to start with, and to hold a concert, we'll have to rent an auditorium, rent the sound system, and rent a piano to begin with. The sum we have is only enough to cover the piano rental! So I prayed. I asked God to make this concert possible for us, then I left it in His very capable hands.

Fast forward to 4 months later, God has gotten us a beach hotel to sponsor our concert, and we'll be holding it in their ballroom, complete with sound system, seating arrangements, as well as refreshments for the audience. All for free! I have roped in a UK-trained fashion designer friend to design my choir's outfit, and he didn't charge us a single cent. A student of mine has agreed to be my second pianist for free, and another volunteered to be our photographer. And best of all, Brother Dominic, our church's resident professional guitarist, has agreed to play for the concert as well. As for the piano, 2 of my choir members decided to bear the rental cost. We also save the cost of designing the invitation and the concert programme, as I did it myself.

And the RM400 is still sitting snugly in our choir cash box, untouched so far!

God is moving everything smoothly towards the concert. With every move, this concert has been tested and confirmed that it has God's blessings. 24 days to go. I'll do my best to play my role and make this concert a success. The rest I'll leave in God's capable hands.

Grace

For these past 9 months, I've been learning to see God in all situations. It's not an easy process, more like forcing my mind to reformat. But it gets easier once I start to get used to it. And as time goes by, I'm also beginning to be aware of something else as well. Something that has eluded me in the past.

I'm beginning to see God's grace in everyday matters.

I gradually realise that :
Grace is not only found in the big, momentous occasions.
Grace is not only found in our possessions, creature comforts and luxuries.
Grace is not only found in the favours done for us.
Grace is not about having lots of money in several fat bank accounts.

I am not a rich person, and will probably never even come close to making my first million, or rather, a quarter of a million! But by God's grace, I have a roof over my head, a job to generate my income and health to enjoy my simple life.

-- By grace, I can sit on the sofa watching TV and eating a bag of chips.
-- By grace, I get a good night's sleep and not suffer from insomnia.
-- By grace, I have the ability to see, to hear, to talk, and to move my limbs.
-- By grace, I have 3 meals a day, and do not go hungry.
-- By grace, I have freedom. I live in a peaceful country where bombs do not drop on my head. A place without earthquakes ( though there's the occasional tremor ) or volcanoes. A country without famine.

It is also by God's grace that we have people we trust around us, to lend us a helping hand and to pull us up when we fall flat on our faces. People we can talk to in time of trouble, and whom we can turn to in time of need. Through grace, I have somebody to love, and to be loved in return. A shoulder to lean on, a sympathetic ear. I have relatives who genuinely care for me and support me, brethrens who straighten and strengthen my perspectives, and to help me unravel my problems ( vice versa as well ), as well as friends to cheer me up when I'm down in the dumps.

Grace is when something bad happens, or is about to happen in our lives, and we suddenly see in the situation that God is with us. We are not on our own and do not have to grapple with our troubles on our limited strength. We see our worries and fears dissolve. We realise that with God behind us, nothing is beyond hope, and nothing is bleak. It is grace when we see the challenge in problems we face as a training and rise up to the occasion, instead of wallowing in self-pity and getting depressed.

By God's grace, we hear the chirping of birds every morning. We see leaves swaying in the breeze and admire the colourful flowers. We see beautiful designs on the ever-shifting clouds and enjoy communing with the nature God provides for us. My heart lifts whenever my dogs come running to me with wagging tails and lolling tongues. I unconsciously smile when they snore in their sleep, happy and contented.

To put in simply, God's grace is in the things we experience everyday. All we have to do is to look at it, be thankful for it, and not take things for granted, for it is by His grace that we bask in His unconditional love.

Psychological Healing

Back in March / April, I was undergoing a period of spiritual healing. I recalled that mind could not function properly. It was then when I made a big mistake choosing a piano exam song for one of my lower-graded students. Each student sitting for the practical test has to play 3 songs, and the songs are listed as such: a choice of 3 songs for the 1st piece, known as list A, 3 songs for the 2nd piece known as list B and 3 songs for the 3rd piece, known as list C. We are to choose a song from each list. When I chose the 3rd song for this kid, I made a big error and taught her 2 songs from list B instead. I didn't realise my mistake until about 4 months later.....3 days before her exam was scheduled!

Panic and pandemonium! 2 words to describe the situation. I phoned her mum asking her to come back to my place as there's an exam emergency. She heard the word emergency but did not catch the word exam. Her husband thought his daughter was bitten by my dog and drove to my place like Michael Schumacher. The girl herself was crying in my studio and I was pacing around in circles. Mr. Caveman tried to calm me down but to no avail. I've no doubt he very thankfully escaped to prayer meeting that day!

To cut a long story short, the girl adamantly insisted on sitting for the exam, so I had to teach her a new song in 3 days ( an almost impossible feat, bearing in mind that the normally lazy gal usually takes about 2 months to perfect a song ). A lot of stress and prayers later, she sat for the exam. When I received the exam results yesterday, to my great relief, she miraculously passed.

I have learned a lesson from this episode. Mr. Caveman pointed out to me that God allowed this to happen, to show that He is with me always. I can always rely on Him, and do not have to strive with my own limited strength and resources. All there is for me to do is to let go and put everything in His hands, and He'll carry all my burdens for me. From this incident, I will be able to testify how God works, and to glorify Him. And also from the stress, worry and inner turmoil I've undergone, together with other problems I'm facing now, another stage of healing has begun.

And now, from spiritual healing to psychological healing.........

Faith of a Child

I love to play with peoples' faces. Not literally, of course. Just give me a photo of a person and voila! I'm in my playground. Superimposing is one of my hobbies. Just ask the long-suffering Mr. Caveman. He has been turned into Wolverine, Rambo, a toilet-sitting thinker ala Rodin, and even became green when I turned him into Shrek. Of course, if I post one of my 'artistic creations' of him here, I have no doubt that the normally placid grunting and groaning caveman will turn into a roaring grizzly bear.

I once asked my nephews and nieces which of their favourite characters they would like me to turn them into. One said he would like to be Prince Caspian, another a Barbie princess. When it was the turn of my 5 year old nephew, he looked up at me innocently, and said he would like to be Jesus. I solemnly asked him why. He replied that Jesus is a hero.

Just like that. Jesus is a hero. And yet in that simple statement, love and unquestioning adoration shone in his eyes. That is the simple and yet wonderful faith of a child. They do not need evidences to believe. They do not need testimonies to believe. They do not need to see to believe. They just believe. A pure, unadulterated faith that comes straight from the heart.

It is beautiful.

God's Canvas

God's work of art, on a piece of heavenly canvas, is simply awesome. It is easy to see God in the ever-changing clouds. All photos were taken from the same location -- my balcony.


Sunrise, at about 6.30am













Pink and purple evening.












Blowing face in the cloud on a windy evening.













Red dusk, after a storm.













Shortly before nightfall, the 'eye' in the dark.

Worries and Advice......

Advice, generally unasked for, have been pouring in ever since I started a relationship with Mr. Caveman. Most of these people are generally concerned about my well-being. The advice ranged from being helpful to downright ridiculous, the former from my relatives, the latter mostly from my friends -- my ever-worldly ones. Here are the ten most 'interesting' ones from my friends:

10. Is he really interested in you?
9 . Protect your assets. Don't get swindled.
8 . How can you be sure he's going to remain faithful to you 10 years down the road?
7 . When your looks are gone, he might ditch you for younger women.
6 . Due to your age gap, you'll have communication problems.
5 . Have fun now, and ditch him when you're tired of him.
4 . Don't worry about his feelings. Just do what you want with him. You come first.
3 . Get married NOW. Your body clock is ticking.
2 . Save some money for the psychiatrist when things go wrong.
1 . Don't marry him. Just get a baby from him. A child is more important than a man.

Yeah, I admit it's pretty funny. Good for guffaws.

The sad part is, my friends were actually serious when they gave me these advice. They were genuinely worried for me. Part of the reason stem from their lives, their marital problems, their insecurity. The problems that crop up when they try to take things in their own hands and use their own methods to find their way. Their perceptions became askew when things do not work out.

I'm not worried. God is above us. He has moved things for us so fast and yet, He is so subtle. Step by step, we gained confirmation, between ourselves, our church and brethrens, family and relatives. What was considered unthinkable a year ago has now become 'so right'. As long as we see God, we don't have to worry about worldly perspectives. These are the evidences we gradually see, the reason God put us together.

For me :
God puts him with me to help me gain understanding of His Word, His promises. He helps me regain my perspectives and focus whenever I'm troubled, and gives me strength to face uncertainties and spiritual problems. He enriches my life spiritually, and brings me closer to God.

For him :
God puts me with him to help him with family gospelization, and also to bridge the gap between him and his mother. I help him gain strength to face daily problems, encouragement when he's discouraged, and to diffuse him so that he doesn't blow up so often.

God has brought us through various stages to cement our relationship. It was not love at first sight, nor love of the flesh. We went through the mentor / protege ( for vocal training ) stage to friends, then from best friends to brother / sister, and finally, to where we are today. From all these, God showed us the different facets in our characters, our faults and our strengths, and we thus gained deeper understanding of each other in order to complement one another. We are learning to overlook our faults, to stop nit-picking and to look at the bigger picture beyond just us as a couple, but at what God has in store for us.

Above all, we look towards God.

Problems

Problems, problems, problems! One after another, continuous and without respite. Round and round it goes. From physical to spiritual to psychological and back again. And now it's the turn of work problems to rear its head.

This is the year which I have the most problems, the most headache, and to cap it all, unlimited weepy moments ( probably 17 years of overdue weepy moments squashed into a year ). And yet this is the year which I'm at my happiest.

Really, honestly and truly very tired. Will just leave everything to God.

Father Knows Best

Just thought I'd share this, with the hope that it will help other brethrens who are undergoing the same circumstances ( road blocks ) in their spiritual journey.

Satan always uses the one closest to us to attack us, hurt us and pull us down. I notice this is one of his frequently used methods. To cut a long story short, as I'm in no mood to be eloquent tonight, this was what happened to me a few days ago.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my spiritual attack always commences when my physical body is weak. After a bout of diarrhoea and flu, I was feeling very down. At the same time, the person closest to me had a spiritual attack. As we were both weak at that time, whatever verbal attacks hurled were acutely felt. And this brought us down even lower. Circumstances which we have no control over pushed us even further down the brink. At that time, my feelings were in turmoil. I was hurt, angry and confused. I felt betrayed and very disappointed by his lack of support and complaints over an event which was important to me, and took his criticisms personally.

This lasted a few days, and I knew it should not continue. My mind was going haywire, and that was when I decided to seek out my Father and ask Him what to do. He alone knows how I feel without my having to go through all sorts of elaborate explanations. I got His answer about half an hour later, when I was involved in an activity which forced me to shift my mind away from my problems -- hint : think toilet. The answer came forcefully into my mind.

"Focus on the important internal matters, and not on small external matters"

The elaboration appeared almost immediately in my mind. The focus should be on the fact that external matters like disagreement, insupportiveness and general irritation do not remove the absolute fact that God is the one who put us together, for us to be spiritual travel mates. We are to complete and compliment each other, and to remind one another to hold on to the promises whenever we are under attack. Our feelings do not change even though Satan and his minions try to manipulate the situation.

The answer is so simple, and yet in stressful times, we lose our perspectives. We tend to magnify each others' faults, nurse our hurts and grievances. Our problems intensify and looms before us ominously.

My spirit lightened almost immediately. At the risk of sounding cliche, Father indeed knows best!

Path of Fire

I have been feeling lethargic lately. Since my baptism, I was hit by diarrhoea that lasted about 4 days, to be followed almost immediately by a bout of flu. To cap it all, even before my physical attacks ceased, I was hit spiritually a couple of days ago, which incidentally is still ongoing as I type this. I even had a nightmare, of me with two beautiful and identical looking spirits, which I instinctively knew as one being evil and the other good. I was battling the evil one while the good one looked on....only to find out that the good spirit was actually evil as well. I woke up feeling irrationally frightened.

Which brings me back to the vision I had when I first joined CLCP. Between a dreamlike state and partial-waking stage, I saw two roads forked out before me, with a big bonfire in front of me. I knew that if I were to take the road on the left, the rewards would be great. But that road is burning with unquenchable fire, and I will suffer from first degree burns that I might not recover from. A voice kept telling me to take the road on the right. Douse out the bonfire in front of you, the voice said. The road was cold, and I'd be fine.

Well, I guess I have chosen. I have been under attack relentlessly for the past six months. Spiritually -- spiritual attacks usually occured when my physical body was at its lowest ebb ( insomnia, sickness ), and reduced me to a mass of quivering and snivelling jelly. Psychologically -- uncalled for personal attacks by a third party and my aunt / godmother's medical emergencies. Physically -- I keep getting sick these past 6 months. For the record, I am normally a very healthy person. My friends akin my health to that of a German tank.

I believe God will not put me through all these troubles if it is beyond my endurance. At times, I really, truly and honestly would love to revert back to my old habit and bellow : WHY ME!! But He knows what He's doing, so I'll just have to accept whatever comes my way, but not without a shrug of resignation. I'll probably squeeze out a rueful grin if I can manage it.

Out of all these, the Holy Spirit within me speaks louder than ever these days. At times when I pose questions to God, the answers suddenly pop into my head with the clarity of words written in bold letters. My spirit feels a certain uplifting even during the times when I was down. It no longer plummets all the way.

So I guess a fire extinguisher is out, though at times it is indeed tempting to simply grab it and douse out my path of fire.

Baptism 11/7/2010

Pastors Vincent and Sarah in prayer.


The group to be baptised....or re-baptised, in some cases.



Teik Hong


Ah Yee


Jeremy


Elder Jim passing the communion wafer to Dominic. Seated next to him is Chin Lee.


Second man Norman passing around the communion wine.


Me on the piano.


1st row : Evan, Sarah
2nd row : Kristine, Elaine
3rd row : Joel, Li Wen -- behind the camera.



Irene.


Evangeline