Father Knows Best

Just thought I'd share this, with the hope that it will help other brethrens who are undergoing the same circumstances ( road blocks ) in their spiritual journey.

Satan always uses the one closest to us to attack us, hurt us and pull us down. I notice this is one of his frequently used methods. To cut a long story short, as I'm in no mood to be eloquent tonight, this was what happened to me a few days ago.

As I mentioned in my previous post, my spiritual attack always commences when my physical body is weak. After a bout of diarrhoea and flu, I was feeling very down. At the same time, the person closest to me had a spiritual attack. As we were both weak at that time, whatever verbal attacks hurled were acutely felt. And this brought us down even lower. Circumstances which we have no control over pushed us even further down the brink. At that time, my feelings were in turmoil. I was hurt, angry and confused. I felt betrayed and very disappointed by his lack of support and complaints over an event which was important to me, and took his criticisms personally.

This lasted a few days, and I knew it should not continue. My mind was going haywire, and that was when I decided to seek out my Father and ask Him what to do. He alone knows how I feel without my having to go through all sorts of elaborate explanations. I got His answer about half an hour later, when I was involved in an activity which forced me to shift my mind away from my problems -- hint : think toilet. The answer came forcefully into my mind.

"Focus on the important internal matters, and not on small external matters"

The elaboration appeared almost immediately in my mind. The focus should be on the fact that external matters like disagreement, insupportiveness and general irritation do not remove the absolute fact that God is the one who put us together, for us to be spiritual travel mates. We are to complete and compliment each other, and to remind one another to hold on to the promises whenever we are under attack. Our feelings do not change even though Satan and his minions try to manipulate the situation.

The answer is so simple, and yet in stressful times, we lose our perspectives. We tend to magnify each others' faults, nurse our hurts and grievances. Our problems intensify and looms before us ominously.

My spirit lightened almost immediately. At the risk of sounding cliche, Father indeed knows best!

Path of Fire

I have been feeling lethargic lately. Since my baptism, I was hit by diarrhoea that lasted about 4 days, to be followed almost immediately by a bout of flu. To cap it all, even before my physical attacks ceased, I was hit spiritually a couple of days ago, which incidentally is still ongoing as I type this. I even had a nightmare, of me with two beautiful and identical looking spirits, which I instinctively knew as one being evil and the other good. I was battling the evil one while the good one looked on....only to find out that the good spirit was actually evil as well. I woke up feeling irrationally frightened.

Which brings me back to the vision I had when I first joined CLCP. Between a dreamlike state and partial-waking stage, I saw two roads forked out before me, with a big bonfire in front of me. I knew that if I were to take the road on the left, the rewards would be great. But that road is burning with unquenchable fire, and I will suffer from first degree burns that I might not recover from. A voice kept telling me to take the road on the right. Douse out the bonfire in front of you, the voice said. The road was cold, and I'd be fine.

Well, I guess I have chosen. I have been under attack relentlessly for the past six months. Spiritually -- spiritual attacks usually occured when my physical body was at its lowest ebb ( insomnia, sickness ), and reduced me to a mass of quivering and snivelling jelly. Psychologically -- uncalled for personal attacks by a third party and my aunt / godmother's medical emergencies. Physically -- I keep getting sick these past 6 months. For the record, I am normally a very healthy person. My friends akin my health to that of a German tank.

I believe God will not put me through all these troubles if it is beyond my endurance. At times, I really, truly and honestly would love to revert back to my old habit and bellow : WHY ME!! But He knows what He's doing, so I'll just have to accept whatever comes my way, but not without a shrug of resignation. I'll probably squeeze out a rueful grin if I can manage it.

Out of all these, the Holy Spirit within me speaks louder than ever these days. At times when I pose questions to God, the answers suddenly pop into my head with the clarity of words written in bold letters. My spirit feels a certain uplifting even during the times when I was down. It no longer plummets all the way.

So I guess a fire extinguisher is out, though at times it is indeed tempting to simply grab it and douse out my path of fire.

Baptism 11/7/2010

Pastors Vincent and Sarah in prayer.


The group to be baptised....or re-baptised, in some cases.



Teik Hong


Ah Yee


Jeremy


Elder Jim passing the communion wafer to Dominic. Seated next to him is Chin Lee.


Second man Norman passing around the communion wine.


Me on the piano.


1st row : Evan, Sarah
2nd row : Kristine, Elaine
3rd row : Joel, Li Wen -- behind the camera.



Irene.


Evangeline

Beauty

A lot of emphasis has been placed on being beautiful. Global commercialization spreads the message that links life with beauty. From magazines to Hollywood, the basic message spells BEAUTY. Haute couture goes with beauty. Dashing man goes with beauty. Money goes with beauty. Fame goes with beauty. Donald Trump goes with beauty, or beauties in his case.

The young....and the not so young, impressionable / gullible minds become fixed on what they read on magazines and what they see in the movies, the unrealistic standards of beauty set by waif-like supermodels and actresses, and they set out with a vengeance to emulate the glamorous ones. Hours spent on preening, money spent to maintain a certain standard of beauty. Placenta treatment to stay forever young. Skin whitening solution to lighten the skin. Nose job, boob job, liposuction to get rid of the flab. Embroidery used to be referred to as a needlepoint job on a piece of cloth. The word is now linked to eyebrows.

My work has put me in constant contact with rich, glamorous ladies who are no longer in their prime. For some of them, the need to remain young and beautiful is very strong. Some embrace the process of aging with grace, but most struggle to accept it. The wife of a prominent businessman told me she needs 2 hours to prepare her toilette before leaving home. Most of them will not be caught dead without their makeup on. Branded clothes and jewellery became their armour.

And the obsession with beauty does not stop with women. Men can be pretty vain as well. Men go for facial. Men spend hours at the gym to develop six-packs. Men armed with hair-spray, gel and wax to style their hair.

Which brings us to this question. Does beauty actually instil more confidence in a person?

Regardless of the answer, I do know that a beauty fears the inevitable aging process, more so than a Plain Jane. The mirror, once a great friend, becomes a great foe. The beautiful ones lose confidence when they start to lose their looks.

Beauty is only skin deep. True radiance comes from the spirit. A happy, carefree spirit exudes more radiance than Lancome or SK-II. It doesn't come in bottled form, and everybody can afford it. Once the spirit is uplifted with the Word, our looks will undergo a transformation that is way cheaper and more genuine than plastic surgery. We smile more often, our eyes soften, our faces become gentle. Wrinkles will come, and lines will stay, but they will enhance our beauty, not mar it. Our beauty will become more dignified, and we will walk with confidence in our strides. Not the confidence that comes from being beautiful, but the confidence that come from the knowledge that we are all beautiful in God's eyes.

I have been asked a few times what I see in Mr. Caveman, as he's not tall, dark and brooding, doesn't fit the criteria of the word macho.....and he's certainly no Brad Pitt! It's general knowledge that he loves to sleep and eat....and sleep yet again. And grunts his approval and disapproval in a typical caveman manner.

My answer is simply this : His spirit is beautiful.

The Beacon

A streak of red

Lightened the bleakness

A wing that spread

In the gathering darkness.

The scarlet beacon

That glowed alone

In the vast wilderness

It brightly shone.

For despairing souls

Without inheritance

The Word of God

For deliverance.

Busybodies

In this world, there are people who make it their career to stick their noses into other peoples' business. These are, for want of a better word, busybodies. They simply love to tell others what they think is the best course of action for that certain person to take, or whom the person should or should not see, regardless of the said person's feelings. These busybodies charge on like insensitive bulls, especially on personal issues, and dole out advice unasked for, while the person on the receiving end fumes and boils, more often than not, being unable to get a word in as the busybody shoots out advice with the speed and volumn of a machine gun.

I was the frustrated person who suddenly found herself at the wrong end of the machine gun this evening. A 'well-intentioned' -- aren't they always -- busybody spoke with the forked tongue of a serpent, trying her best to sow seeds of doubt and poison into my personal relationship with a person she considers unsuitable. All the worldly points she raised veered further and further away from the Gospel. She was judgemental towards the person she knew only on the surface, and condemned him unfairly based on her own assumptions. The more I defended him, the more irritated she got, and the more venomous the accusations became. We were on the verge of a quarrel when it suddenly occured to me.

SATAN'S WORKING!

What Mr. Caveman always says to me whenever I am 'under attack'. Satan is trying to put a wedge into our relationship, and has just used the busybody as his tool.

I said a silent prayer, put on my invisible armour of God and took up my shield of faith. No attacks can penetrate this shield. Satan will only have power over us if we allow him to, though his minions are forever working overtime to find loopholes in our defenses. God brought us together to strengthen us, to go through spiritual growth and become His vessels. Naturally, Satan will try his utmost to tear us apart. He will attempt to weaken us :
Till we wallow in misery and self-pity.
Till we feel discontented and depressed.
Till we become angry and resentful towards God.
Till we can no longer see, nor wish to see, God in our lives.

As for the busybody, she continued to talk till she realised that she has lost her 'audience'.

The Rainbow

The rainbow, God's sign of His everlasting covenant with all living beings on earth. A bow in the clouds, an intricate fusion of hues, weaved together to form a delicate tapestry of colours. It has fascinated mankind throughout the ages. The mythical lure was great, immortalised by the fabled pot of leprechaun gold at the end of each rainbow. It represents hope, a new beginning after a storm. A new beginning, a new life.

A new life. One that sees several big changes in my life. From a misfit Roman Catholic to a Remnant. Where I finally see myself as God's child, and free myself from the invisible shackles of guilt and pain. The sense of condemnation is gone. I finally understand that whatever happened in the past is the Will of God, and there is nothing I can do to change it, nor erase it. No father will want his child to go through life with a dark cloud hanging over her head. My heart lightens after 17 years of trials and tribulations. I gain courage to walk forward without looking back, as I finally learn to trust that God, as the Father, will always be my provider and protector. I have to let go, to let unjust accusations and hurtful remarks made by others slide past me without feeling condemned. I also realise that God the Father will not force me to do the things worldly people consider right and proper if I don't feel up to it. This feeling is both exhilarating and liberating.

This is the year I restore God in my life. I strive to see Him everywhere, be it the macro or the micro. Though I admit, at times I don't remember to do this. And also for the first time, I experience brethren living and brethren healing. For a very private self-proclaimed hermit like me, this takes a little getting used to, as is standing in front of the whole congregation sharing my thoughts and testimony. I get the shudders just by thinking of the latter. But I'm taking everything in its stride. In a week's time, I will be re-baptised, with water, blood and the Holy Spirit. A ceremony to mark my being born again.

And after forty years, long after I've settled comfortably into the peaceful and simple existance ( as well as the mindset ) of a bachelorette, He has seen fit to put a complex person with post-modernism outlook plus a hint of caveman mentality into my life. God has a sense of humour! Mr. Caveman -- also known as Oinker due to his deep passion for sleeping -- is the one who helped restore God in me. He appeared at the time when my church attendance was at its lowest ebb, due to disillusionment. With the church, not with God. I have issued an ultimatum with Father God, stating that if He wants me to return to church, then He'd better find me a solution. Well, He very obviously did.....plus something else that was unasked for as well.

And so, like the rainbow after a storm, this is my new beginning. The starting point of a new life within the covenant.